Tomatoes

Last year was the first year I tried growing heirloom tomatoes. I didn't choose the best spot in the yard for them, and I think the squirrels harvested more than we did, but other than that they turned out better than I could have hoped.

The beauty of heirloom varieties is that you can save the seeds and replant them. This goes right along with my beliefs and how I want to do things, so I saved seeds. It's not easy to save tomato seeds. The gelatinous stuff that the seeds are in are an anti-sprouting material. So you have to let the gelatinous stuff rot, but not the seeds and then you can save the seeds for the next year.

I had high aspirations. I saved the seeds and was eager to plant them this spring. Shooting for the stars, I got out my seeds, put them in some compost, watered them and put them under a light in the basement.

Despite my high aspirations, I didn't go about this project quite right. I think that I kept the light too far above the plants. As the tomatoes grew, they grew long and spindly, with little strength. The light was too far away and while the little plants reached for their goal, it was unattainable and unnatural. The plants still grew, and I had hope.

The tomatoes eventually had enough leaves to transplant outdoors. I put more than a dozen plants into the ground, with high hopes of my pathetic looking little plants overcoming their early life hardship and developing into high yield tomato plants.

Our first rainstorm after planting the tomatoes outside pummeled all but three of the little plants. Those three plants have continued to grow, but they are far from thriving. They are still spindly and pale.

While it was admirable that the tomatoes went with all of their might after the first goal that they were exposed to, it wasn't the right goal. The seeds spent all of their energy going after an unnatural and inappropriate goal. They didn't know it was the wrong goal, they only saw it as light and they sought after it like tomatoes are supposed to. After pouring all of their energy into pursuing a goal that did not provide them the sustenance that they needed, I moved them outside into a natural situation where they should be able to strive. They had already spent their energy. They were done. They may still be alive, but they will never be what they could have been. If they produce fruit, they will be small and few, but more likely they will never even produce a seed that I would be able to use to plant next year. All because they pursued the first goal that was placed before them... the wrong goal.

$40

I worry a lot about money. When I consider buying something, cost is almost always a major factor. We 'rent' our movies from the library because it is free. I can't remember the last movie I paid to see in a theater. I rarely pay to eat out. Other than the one work related activity every month, I can count on one hand the number of times I have eaten out in the last year or two.

I'm cheap and I am very deliberate where my money goes. We make a conscious effort to spend less on gas and electricity and we conserve water the best we can. I am cheap and I have been called a raging tree hugger. I am OK with both descriptions. But when the gas gauge in the car approaches 'E', no matter what else is going on, I go drop $40 to fill it with unenvironmentalism. How is it that something that I am against in so many ways have such control over my life?

Distracted

I've been distracted lately. Actually it has been for quite awhile. I'm not talking about a person walking by who attracts my attention or my mild ADD that just doesn't allow me to stay focused for extended periods of time. The main problem is that I don't know what the distraction is.

At work I am excited to be doing a lot of things. I've got projects that will get my work going in the direction that I want it to go, but it's not going. I'm not getting to the projects that I want to be doing.

At home I am excited to do a lot of things, but I'm not getting to them. Or at least I'm not getting to them with the energy that I want to pursue them. I am distract from what I really want to do and what I really want to be.

I've spent a lot of time in academia and have received many grades in my life. I've even given many grades in my life. If I were to grade my life at this point, I would give myself a D+ or C-. With grade inflation of today I would probably end up in the B range, but I've always considered C average and in line with expectations. I am performing below my expectations for myself and I need to step it up a notch if I'm going to judge my life on par with my expectations.

[What I have thus far written, was written yesterday before I ran out of time, and I am continuing now]

I've had some time to reflect on my distraction. In large part, I think I have figured out what it is distracting me and it is 'I'. My focus in life has been too much on me and what I want to do and not enough on others.

In my job I find that I have been thinking too much of what I want to do with my career and the things that I have already done. My thoughts have been about me and my aspirations. My personal aspirations have gotten in the way of the people I want to help and what I can do in the position that I currently hold to best provide for those I wish to serve.

At home I think of the things that I want to accomplish. I focus on my goals as they pertain to my desires. Sure, I spend time with my family and we have fun, but it is after I have finished the things that I need to get done. I focus on what I can do to get my family ahead and I often think too much of the financial concerns that we have and not enough on the time that I have to spend. I've long known that time is far more valuable than money, especially when it comes to dealing with people, but I often dedicate my time at home to accomplishing things (some of those things quite important) rather than time with people (which will always be more important).

If I am going to improve my grade, I need to change the way I study. I need to focus my efforts on others. I am going to go on a fast from 'I'. It has been done before and maybe even right here on this blog, but it needs to be done again. How long can you go without saying, "I"?

A Good Use of Money

I just got back from a brief business trip. The trip was great, I am excited about what I learned at the conference and I'm excited to try and apply it, but now I want to write about the highlight of the trip, which didn't take place during the conference.

I was walking down Peachstreet in downtown Atlanta and Andre (he introduced himself) started walking with me and asked for a couple bucks. I said, "no" because I don't like giving money to people. I kept walking and Andre stopped to find someone else to make befriend. I thought about it as I walked away. I had six hours to get to the airport that was 20 minutes away. I decided that the next person who asked for money, I would take to lunch.

I kept walking and quickly realized that I was going to reach the subway before I found another panhandler. I wasn't particularly excited to be 6 hours early for a flight. I turned around to look for Andre. I couldn't find him. Disappointed that I wasn't able to follow through on my idea, but grateful that I wouldn't be spending the money, I turned back toward the subway.

Then our eyes met. It certainly wasn't romantic, but that brief eye contact opened the opportunity for her to ask. She wanted money. I don't like giving people money. I asked if she was hungry and she responded in the affirmative. I asked her if I could take her to lunch, and we took off across the street to what looked like a taco joint. It turned out to be more up-scale, but that was OK. We found a booth and the waitress brought us a menu. She had a Dr. Pepper and a Steak Torta (I don't really know what that is, but that is what it says on my receipt). Including a tip, it came to $15.

The best part, and the reason for the 'date', was the conversation. Her name is Rachael. She was originally from Louisiana, but came to Atlanta with her daughter. Her daughter left 2.5 years ago, taking Rachael's ID and leaving her homeless and without her ID she couldn't get a job. She has gone through some helpful agencies and acquired what she needed to get an ID, but both times it rained and ruined her paperwork. In the past she has been a mechanic and truck driver, but at one point she mentioned that panhandling really paid fairly well. The first time I asked, she said that when she returns to work, she would like to be a mechanic. The second time it came up in the conversation, she said she wanted to be an astronaut.

At one point I asked Rachael if she was happy. While she didn't always seem truthful in her responses (I found a lot of inconsistencies that I questioned), the toothless smile on her face and her excited body language confirmed to me that she was genuinely happy. I asked her why.... What makes her happy? Her response was powerful: Peace. Growing up she was sexually molested by her father, although none of her family believed that he would do that. She was married three times and each of those marriages was at least verbally abusive and it sounded like there were at times physically abusive as well. All of her marriages kept her suppressed. Her family was fairly wealthy and she even tracked some distant relatives to the Governor's office in Louisiana. She valued peace more than she valued wealth - maybe I should call it financial stability. I questioned her authenticity when she said this, but she lived what she said. Was I questioning her really thinking that peace was better than wealth? Or was I questioning abuse? Or was I questioning whether her other options were really options or merely her imagination? I don't like that I questioned her.

I asked her what the most important thing she had learned from being homeless was. Her response was respect. She talked about how she learned that it was inappropriate to interrupt and the importance of listening. I was unable to connect the dots and really understand why this was the most significant thing that she had learned, but I thought it was an interesting comment.

She also asked about my family and situation. I told her about leaving college to take a lower paying job that would better align with what I really wanted from life and would ultimately make me happier. She approved. I told her about my four young boys and she told me that I should take them fishing; it would teach them patience.

She ate half her meal and put the rest in a to-go box. I was grateful that she would also have dinner that night. I paid for the meal (I enjoyed a water while we talked and she ate) and we left. She offered to walk me to the subway, but I declined. She thanked me numerous times and gave me a big hug as we parted ways. I checked to make sure my wallet was still in my pocket and I still feel ashamed that I'm that distrustful.

I made it to the airport with five hours to spare. I got to sit and watch people, thousands of people, with enough money to fly where they wanted to, eat what they wanted to and communicate freely with those close to them. With the abundant wealth in the world, why will the highlight of Rachael's day be going to sleep in the park with a full stomach?

Squirrels

I enjoy watching the squirrels in the back yard chasing each other around, jumping from branch to branch and seeming so comfortable in the trees. It amazes me that they can jump from the outer most branches of one tree to the outer most branches of another tree. It is as if they were designed specifically for playing in trees. They have all the confidence in the world, and I've never seen one fall, although I've often thought they should.

What is my squirrel activity? What do I do so naturally that it comes easy and is almost like play while I'm doing it? What is that activity where I would have no perceivable fear of falling? What challenge can I make look easy while bystanders wonder why I haven't fallen on my face?

Someday I hope to grow up and be a squirrel.

Why I hate recycling

I've been called a "raging tree hugger" and I took it as a compliment. I would certainly consider myself an environmentalist and I feel that recycling is one of the greatest disservices to the environmental movement.

I don't want to be misunderstood. I recycle and I think that recycling is important. I also think that recycling is an easy cop-out for over consumption. I hear it all the time, "Print as many copies of that as you want, you can always recycle it", or "I go through 3 or 4 plastic bottles a day, but I make sure to recycle all of them".

People don't seem to understand that the paper or bottles that they use were produced at least hundreds, if not thousands of miles away. It pumps exhaust into the air to get them to the consumer. When you use more of the stuff, even if you recycle it, that means more exhaust being pumped into the atmosphere to transport stuff.

We also don't seem to realize that plastic and paper don't exactly grow on trees. Well, the paper sort of does grow on trees, but that is beside the point. The processing to produce paper and plastic produces a lot of pollution. When we recycle the paper or plastic it may save us from having to produce more from scratch, but it still requires polluting remanufacturing and processing. It's not like they rinse out the old water bottles and refill them. They melt the plastic (burn lots of fuel and pump lots of exhaust into the atmosphere) and reform the bottles.

Of course I recognize that recycling is better than contributing to landfills. The problem that I have is that recycling makes people feel like they are environmental. It makes people feel like they are doing the right thing, when in reality they are hardly going through the movements.

Do you know the little triangle recycling symbol? Did you know that each arrow that is a corner of the triangle represents something? Did you know that the meaning comes in order of importance? So here it is: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Unfortunately we seem to follow the environmental slogan of "massively over consume and then recycle to help yourself feel better about yourself."

It makes me wonder what it will take to wean people from the disposable water bottle. What if someone were to create a device where water would be delivered to your lips, free of charge at the touch of a button? I would guess that people would use them to spit in.

Sorry about my rant. I seem to have some pent up opinion that needed to be shared. I'm going to go watch "Food, Inc." now. You'll never be able to guess what my next rant will be about.

regurgitated thoughts

I don't seem to have any thoughts of my own today, so I'm going to share some interesting things I've read recently.

I'm currently reading an older book by Micheal Pollan. Right now I'm reading about weeds. Did you know that most of the weeds that we battle with in our gardens were actually imported with early settlers from Europe? That is right, everything from the dandelion to the tumbleweed has European roots and would not be here had we not brought it with us.

Another interesting note that Pollan made was that weeds don't grow unless we mess with the soil and try to grow something besides what is already there. Forest is forest and never seems to be in danger of being over taken by any once species. But take out the forest and plant a lawn and you will spend the rest of your life battling to keep dandelions and winter creeper from taking over every inch of land that you own.


Another story... this one I found a lot of humor in, and it's a story we all know. It's the story of Johnny apple-seed. As the story goes, Johnny Apple-seed traveled around the US, planting seeds to grow apple trees and every time you find a random apple tree you can thank Johnny for planting it a long time ago so that you can enjoy that apple.

Here's the problem: Apple trees grown from seeds don't produce good apples. If you have an apple tree that produces apples that you like and you want another tree, you have to graft the branches and 'make' another tree. If you take the seeds from the good apple and plant it, the chromosomes have mixed and the fruit from that seed will almost always be bad tasting and drastically inferior to the previous apple.

So our hero, Johnny, moved around the country planting apple seeds that would produce bad tasting apples. A bad tasting apple isn't as bad as no apple at all, so I suppose Johnny was doing good by planting the seeds. Actually, many people took good advantage of those apples. While the apples weren't especially good for eating, you can use the apples to make into alcoholic beverages. So Johnny's apples were put to especially good use during times of prohibition. I recently heard that story and it completely changed the way I looked at Johnny Apple-seed.