Back from Camping

I just want to say that I have the most amazing wife EVER! I was extremely stressed about finals and my upcoming comprehensive exams. My wife wanted to go camping, but I don't have any good breaks during the summer with my teaching schedule and the research that I should start over the summer. So the result is that I was wondering if we were going to go. I owed it to my wife and family to spend at least a little time with them before I get in over my head with a dissertation to write. So early last week I took a look at my schedule and decided that I had from Friday to Monday that I could take a break. I didn't have time to plan anything or make any sort of arrangements, I just had time when I didn't have to be at school. I told my wife and she planned one of the best vacations I have ever been on.

So what made this vacation special? There were a few things that really made this trip special. First of all and most importantly, I was with my family. It was just the five of us and we had lots of time to spend together. All activities involved all family members (except for a little spelunking that was beyond the physical ability levels of the younger two kids). The second thing that really made things special is an ideal that I've always had, but never really been able to live. I did not have a watch all vacation, and it never mattered. When we were hungry we ate. When it got dark we went to sleep. When the sun came up, we woke up. I don't know what 'time' it was. I did keep track of the day so that I could get back to school for my appointment this afternoon (oh the irony). The final thing that really made the trip special was that we had nothing to do. Not only did it not matter what time it was, but we had nothing planned. We had reservations (thanks to my wife who planned the whole thing at the last minute) at a couple of state parks, but we had no plans. We arrived with a variety of options and we chose. We didn't spend time arguing or planning, we decided, "we want to go find hidden canyon in Zion's" and we went and looked for it (it's not accessible to young children FYI, but echo canyon is and it's not far from there).

While my children were not perfectly behaved, it was great to spend that much time with them. It has been too long since I've spent every waking hour with them for several days. I look forward to doing it again.

The only reason this whole thing happened is because my wife put it all together. While I liked the spontaneity of it, my wife did a considerable amount of planning at the last minute to make sure that we weren't driving aimlessly looking for a place to put up a tent. I've said it before and I'll never stop saying it, "My wife is AMAZING!".

I also got to think a little about education. I think my boys learned more during our vacation than they would at most schools. We looked at things, we thought about things, we let the older boy lead us on hikes and see if he could find his way back. It was a wonderful experience and I hope a great learning experience for the boys.

I watched a couple videos on TED earlier today about education. One guy talked about what he thought should be done to improve education. He suggested that we get computers OUT of the classroom. Kids are forgetting (or not learning) how to think. This man then used a couple of things he had on stage to come up with some measurements and calculate the speed of sound (math done with a slide rule).

Then I came across a guy who had five things that every kid should do. On the list were playing with fire, playing with knives, pirating music from the Internet and driving a car. While his ideas sound dangerous at face value, I would argue that overly protecting our children is one of the most dangerous things we can do as parents. (With that said, I still wouldn't take my kids on the hike to the Hidden Canyon at Zions with the two foot wide trail and a several hundred foot drop.)

Finally I ran across the guy who had solutions. He started some tutoring centers and actually won the TED prize (whatever that is) by giving students individual time with adults who care about their thoughts. Kids don't need more 'education' they need to learn to express themselves and explore.

Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." --Marianne Williamson

I know that you think that Nelson Mandela said this, which he did, but he was quoting Marianne Williamson, so I will give credit where credit is due. This is one of my all-time favorite quotes, it makes me excited to be alive and pursuing dreams. The Mugwump (oldest son) has given me much reason to think of this lately and I would like to expound.

The Mugwump has a new trick that drives me nuts. He will obviously throw himself to floor or bump his head on purpose and start crying that he can't do something. He used to be so independent (and still can be), what is going on with this new trick? Don't worry, you don't have to answer, I think I've pretty much got it figured out.

He wants attention. He sees Six-Pence (the younger brother) fall and hit his head and everyone rushes over to help. Or you hear Six-Pence crying and find him signing help with his hands and then pointing to what he needs. It is his way of communicating and it gets him attention because there are so many things that he is unable to do on his own. The Mugwump can do most things, but wants attention. We try to give him attention, but not when he is acting below his means to get attention.

This is where it gets interesting. We are working to give the Mugwump more attention (his reward) when he is doing things for himself and ignoring (disincentive) his little tantrums where he pretends to be completely incompetent. It's crazy how counter-intuitive this is, it is really hard to give attention to a kid that is playing contently on his own, but to ignore the obnoxious four year old that is sprawled in the middle of the floor saying that he can't get up because he has hit his elbow (when you just saw him fake the fall). I hope that it's not just me, but it seems that we as a society tend to reinforce incompetence.

Let's take a look at the educations system. How many people know someone who teaches a special education class for kids that can't keep up with the rest of the class? I know of several. How many people do you know that teach classes especially designed for elementary school students who are excelling in reading or math? I don't even know that this exists. Sure they have advanced placement classes in high school, but you know the type that take those classes... They're labeled dorks for excelling. So our society gives attention (and therefore reinforces the behavior) to those who are below average, while creating a disincentive for excelling.

As a graduate student, I teach activity classes. What do I do with the uncoordinated kids that aren't good at the sport I'm teaching? I spend time with them and help them improve their skills. What do I do with the students who enter the class at a more advanced level? I don't spend as much time with them. I think this is the tendency as a teacher, and I think that it is unfortunate. The advanced kids in my class deserve the time and attention that it will take them to excel at the sport. The beginners in a class also deserve time, but are no more deserving as others. Although in my situation I don't find this as crucial, when we are talking about my kid in a class of 30 that doesn't get the same attention (reward) because he already excels in math or reading, this is a big deal.

"If you treat an individual...as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be" --Goethe

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive." --Harold Whitman

In combination I find this quotes interesting. What makes me most come alive is simplicity; working to get back to nature by doing without many of the common conveniences of life. To the majority of our society this is associated with failure which is a sort of disincentive for me to pursue this dream. Although I don't care a lot about what others think of me, it is hard to ignore. So as I pursue what makes me come alive I am constantly told by society that I'm failing because I'm not obtaining enough.