Torn

Last weekend we spent a lot of time attending the Mother Earth News Fair. It made me come alive. I loved being around people interested in community and putting community and nature before the rushed lifestyle that most people follow. I have really struggled to bond with people and really get to know them. On a little community garden tour I felt like I really made friends. People who were interested in the same things that interest me. People whose friends I'm interested in getting to know. I loved being in that community and the impact that those people are trying to make in the world. I want to be a part of that.

And so my job search continues. I've had some job interviews, but no job offers. I took a class that has qualified me for a slightly different line of jobs and I'm excited about an upcoming interview. At the same time, there is something missing. The jobs I've interviewed for are things that interest me, things that I'm trained in and things that I can do well at. They just aren't things that I'm REALLY passionate about. The problem is that those things that I'm REALLY passionate about are things that I don't have any experience doing and the jobs associated with them don't pay all that well. (and I'm not in an especially lucrative field anyway).

One thing that I've discovered in the last several months of being out of work is that it really doesn't take that much money to get by. Sure, we are parasites to my Sister and Brother-in-Law, but if this were not available, there are other opportunities around for free utilities, but it would drastically reduce my opportunities for real jobs. The point is that I dream of being a part of a community and doing what I am passionate about and I think that my family could thrive on less money if we do things differently... If we do things different than most people, but more similar to what we are doing now.

No matter what I do, I'm really looking forward to spending time with others who have the same passions as I do. I have let my insecurities keep me out of that group for too long (I feel that I just don't know enough about those topics, and I hate feeling like the dumb guy in the group), I will get involved no matter what kind of job I get. But ideally, I would really like to work in my areas of passion. I am positive that I would put more into a job and make a bigger difference in a job that I'm passionate about than one that I was educated to perform.

I'm really excited about my job interview later this week because it has benefits, but it is three 10 hour days instead of a full work week. That would give me time to do both pursue my passions and do something that I was educated to do. When I step back and take a look at my situation, I'm really excited that I haven't found a job yet because it forces me to pursue my passions and it disappoints me that I've been looking primarily where my education lies... It's time to pursue my dreams and let the education stuff slide a little. That's exciting.